The Day The Lights Went Out

Painting by "WA"

Who would believe it snowed 5 inches in Baton Rouge, LA 2 days ago? I was born and raised here and never saw more than an ice storm. Biggest snowfall in 80 years so the experts are saying. During this beautiful snowfall our electricity went out for over 24 hours! So I had plenty of time on my hands to do not much. In a small apartment there just isn't that much to do to keep you busy. You can only take so many naps. he he he...........

The one thing I had been trying to accomplish was to finish reading the book "The Shack". I finally realized all this snow was just for me. God had to literally take everything away from me except that book and a flashlight! I would pick it up, read a page or two and lay it down. I had read enough to know sort of what was involved and I didn't want to go there.

For those of you that have been reading my blogs from the very beginning you may remember I started writing so that maybe in some way I would be able to remember some of my past. I had forgotten so much about Susanne and I wanted to remember. I knew that when I got into this book I would be taken back further than I wanted to go. Hard to explain this but it is the only way I can say it.

For those of you who have not read the book I will not give it away. It is a book well worth reading even if it is fiction. I had so many things to deal with while walking backwards into the past. I did not have a problem at all with the way God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit were portrayed. Why you may ask? Well, all my life I was taught that God was way way way up there, and I was to be fearful of Him, Jesus was not mentioned much and the Holy Spirit was never mentioned. I went to church 3 times a week, every week until I got married.

I believe the writer of this book chose his characters carefully, trying to stretch our imaginations to reach outside the box we keep our God in. I even saw the humor in the character he gave God. I think it was meant to touch all of us self-righteous, white, Christians and make us realize how we have made God into what we want Him to be, what we can accept and live with. We have limited God so much that He can barely walk outside our churches and bless anyone. We say "God can do this but God does not do that"...........

I know now why I have had to endure some of life's storms and heartaches and disappointments. When things are at it's worst is when I call out to God. If all the bills were paid, we had good jobs, everyone healthy, vacations were a reality, pretty home, nice car........wow. Who had time to remember to pray?

But the day my knees were knocked out from under me, I couldn't stand. All I could do is ask God "Why"!......? Why did YOU allow Susanne to die? I know she is with God and I thought I was over all the anger and other emotions that go with death. A lot of the questions I have been asking myself were dealt with in the book. Some still aren't answered. Even though this book is fiction I felt God talking to me. Sometimes God inspires writings, pictures, storms, people to get His point across.

God is real! God loves us just as Jason wrote earlier. God has my Susanne I know that. I will never know exactly how many people were touched by her death. Had she lived and I stayed on the same spiritual ground I was on I would be so lost in myself.

I finished this book at 12:30 AM Friday morning! Finally! I had finished it and remembered much more than I wanted to. I cried and cried, just remembering Susanne and how sweet she was and how much I missed her. Then I was okay! I could smile and thank God for bringing her back to me for a short period of time and helping me to heal what was still there.

AT 3:30 AM that same morning I woke up. Wide awake! Suddenly I began shaking uncontrollably! I have done this before but when I was praying. This will shock some of you but I can pray in tongues and that is when this would happen. I happened to be sleeping this time though and when I woke up I continued to shake for several minutes at a time. I started to get up so as not to disturb Wayne, but he was already awake and he asked me not to leave. This went on for about 30 minutes. I knew and I believe Wayne knew that this was the Holy Spirit telling me everything was going to be OK.

So you see! God is not in a box of any kind. He loves us and wants to spend time with us. It is ALL about HIM. Not us! Jesus died for us and wants us to remember that! The Holy Spirit loves us and wants to be with us ALL the time. They are Holy, they are ONE and they love us and care about what we are going through.

I started reading this book in June of this year, stopped in the middle of it and have fought to finish it for the past 2 weeks at the request of Jason. Bunnie had given it to me in the beginning and I just told her I could not finish it.

Susanne died May 24, 1985. Twenty-three years ago. I still miss her to this day but I would not call her back if I could. For whatever reason I have had to read this book and backtrack so far I really don't understand! I do know that my son has been brought to some great realizations of our Father in heaven, my daughter and son in law have read the book and been touched by it. God can use anything He chooses to touch HIS children and I can promise you that the devil is not going to use something that will turn you towards God. So for those that think this book is way out there I hope you will give this some thought and prayer and maybe your lights will go out so you can only look for God's light. His light shines through any darkness and shines brighter than any other and last forever!

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